The Dragon Friends are booking it out of the Abyss and onto the decks of the Saturnine, a luxury cruiser heading straight to Primus. But is there more to the old ship than just a suspiciously warm seafood spread? Featuring special music, beeps and bloops courtesy of Ben Loomes & Syrinscape.
Bassbass Wihouveberry, Bushu and Baston have departed through the portal created by Oberon. LOGAN calls the remaining Friends to inform them that the teleporters of the Heart of Glass have been disabled and the ship is being taken to Primus by Jayne Steyer. He informs them that they need to get on board the Saturnine, a ship currently docked in the Abyss. Meanwhile, Barbarus - who was previously knocked out by a sonic explosion - is stirring, and Philge has unstuck her tongue from her bracer (this being the reason why she was silent for the last two episodes when Alex Lee was absent)
Freezo suggests that they flee back through the portal to Robbie Silver's office. Philge also asks if she can become Robbie's client, and Bobby Pancakes asks him about the Saturnine. Robbie reveals that he also acts as a travel agent and offers to sell them tickets onto the Saturnine. Freezo offers to pay using his bag of rubies, and buys First Class tickets for Bobby and Philge and a Second Class ticket for himself (being unable to afford a third). Robbie takes them to the docks where they board the ship, with Freezo being bothered by a mad Anchorite who tells them that the ship is cursed to return to "Carcosa from whence it came". As the Anchorite is dragged away, a First Class passenger, Tolstoy Kndd, informs him that the ship is from Carcosa, but there is no evidence that it's cursed, other than that people regularly disappear on the ship.
Freezo attempts to disguise self himself as Tolstoy and then claim the real Tolstoy is an impostor in order to get into First Class, a cunning plan that fails since Tolstoy has a first class ticket and Freezo does not. Tolstoy assumes this was a prank, and the irritated guard tells Freezo to stop messing around. Freezo considers disguising himself as the guard, at which point God/Dave finally snaps and warns Michael Hing that he will no longer railroad the game to prevent Freezo being killed or permanently separated from the group (as is a risk, since the guards can still refuse to admit him onto the ship). He decides to wait in the second class line.
Philge and Bobby, attended by Gillmen waiters, make their way to their First Class quarters. Freezo learns that Second Class quarters are shared, and his cabin mate is Hagdar Strenmf, a fat moustachioed dwarf Paladin (to be played by Edan Lacey in Baston's absence). Freezo puts on a posh accident to impress Hagdar. Philge and Bobby attend a buffet in the First Class lounge, where Philge makes a curious attempt to endear herself to one of the Gillmen (including naming it a "wet boy"). Hagdar informs Freezo that he's looking for a missing boy, Jeffrey Westminster, who was lost on a previous 6 year journey.
The following morning, both classes mix at a communal buffet, and Philge unsubtly points out to Hagdar that Freezo has been putting on a voice to impress him. At that point, Freezo notices that Tolstoy Kndd and his wife Martha are trying to attract the attention of the staff, who are ignoring him. Freezo and Hagdar approach him and he informs them that his "very stupid" son, Bonathan, has also gone missing from their cabin in the night. Philge also attempts to seduce Hagdar. The Friends visit the Kndds' cabin, and see that Bonathan's empty cot is damp and greasy, covered with something sticky. With Bonathan being only 10, this makes the Gillmen the primary suspects.
Non-Player Characters (NPCs)
- Gillmen (Wetboys)
Themes, tropes and running jokes
- "Name Toblerone"
- Detached NPCs
- "Do you think he looks like Jafar at the start of Aladdin?" "I was like 12 when I worked out they were the same person." "Jafar and Aladdin are not the same person." "Yeah, it's a Fight Club situation." "But in that whole movie you never see Jafar and Aladdin in the same room." "Except for several times. But yea, you're right." "Wait, so who are the same people?" "No, it's Abu and Aladdin." "Do you guys know, the actual really cool fact about Aladdin is that in that entire movie they never say the word 'Genie'. Not once." "That's a lie. That's a lie. His name is Genie. The character's name is Genie." "Yep, but they never say it." "They call him Robin the whole time." "So who are the two people who are the same?" "The old man who's like 'you know the golden rule!', that guy, is Jafar." "No!" "No, the old man who sings Arabian Nights is the genie!" "No! Not the old man who sings Arabian Nights! The old man.." "Can we just play some fucking Dungeons and Dragons?" "Oh my god! Do you think Jasmine's tiger is the same tiger that is the mouth of the Cave of Wonders?" "All of this happens in Freezo's head because he saw Aladdin briefly in the back of a limousine in Shadowrun and he has some questions." "Well done, making this part of the world. 'Part of this world..'" "That's Little Mermaid! Wait, are Little Mermaid and Aladdin in the same universe?" "Also, the lyric is 'part of your world!" "We should never do this twice a week."
- "I mean like, you can do whatever you want, OK. I don't need this. I would encourage you, from this point on, let Freezo be Freezo, alright? Any railroading that I have done, from this moment on in Season 4, where I have tried to keep you with the party, stop you from getting killed? I am not going to do that any more. So. What do you want to do?" - God/Dave finally snaps at Michael Hing
- "It reminds me of my days when I was at...silly man school."
- "And that, motherfuckers, is what a quest hook looks like." — Dave
- "Did you say boy or buoy? We're on a ship, so it's confusing." "A living boy. Who may float, but if you left him he would drown."
- "What is going to be accomplished in this episode of the podcast?" "... Fun times with friends?"
- "You really must try one of everything." "Why try one, when one can try two?" "Wow."
- "A fistful of shrimp is not a shrimp cocktail."
- Shout-out to the wiki at the top of the episode! Context for quote. I do not actually regret it and I love you all very much.
- Dave refers to Hing as "Michael Hinge" in the closing credits.