Now, me no big city doctor...

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Ay, a-mamma mia! Dis-a podcast bella, bella like a delicioso napolitana like-a ma mamma used to maike. A-shove it in yo face, u stoopid bambini, va fangula!


Since the previous episodes, the Dragon Friends have cleared the garage and ditched the van, and are now transporting Johnny Playstation in a metal case on a hovering dolly. They have arrived at Freeside Piazza, a central hub decorated like Florence, Italy. They decide to buy disguises; Bobby and Baston visit a clothing store where they trade Bobby's Hachibachi molten gold cocktail for a Stoot each, and a "combat tie" which can be used as a bola. Philge and Freezo visit Sebastian Bumblebee the costumier. After a Gratuitous List of all the costumes in the shop, Freezo buys an Milburn Pennybags (aka, Mr Monopoly) costume, and Philge buys a "sexy Sebastian Bumblebee" costume.

The Friends take the case over to the Horizon corporate compound where they see Sirius-6 Dumbleboy loitering outside trying and failing to be inconspicuous while wearing a hypercolour trench coat and a multicolour striped hairdo. Freezo approaches him and introduces himself, recognizing that he is wearing Matrix equipment that identifies him as a hacker. Bobby taunts him about his hacking skills, daring him to prove himself by hacking the four of them into the Freeside control room. He accepts, and suggests they leave the hover-dolly in his secret base (with his arcade machines) which is accessed via a secret door in the projected wall.

Once there, he reveals that he knows who they are, and that Johnny Playstation is in the case. Sirius-6 tells them that he was born on Freeside and has been stuck there his whole life, and just wants to bring down the establishment of it. Seeing Philge's cyberdeck, he challenges her to a hacking duel in the Matrix; he transforms into a dragon flanked by two beautiful women, but Philge wins by having the women say they know he's a loser and start making out without him. Defeated he offers himself and his hacking crew, the Zhivago Twelve, in service to the Dragon Friends; and introduces them to its members, including Ching Chong, who Philge immediately kicks out for having a racially stereotyped name. Philge assures them that their mission will upset their parents and also offers them a good reference to the University of Hackers on Jupiter.


Dragon Friends

Non-Player Characters (NPCs)



Themes, tropes and running jokes

  • Dave tries and fails to prevent Ben doing stereotypical Italian accents for the NPCs.
  • Gratuitous Lists of costumes, and locations on the monopoly board
  • Canon — Alex declares that Philge was the best junior vice president that Horizon ever had, and they haven't been able to replace her since she left. Hing remarks that if they say things like this while Dave is eating or drinking, they can declare "canon" before he can react.


  • "Do you want a costume that will blend in in Freeside and allow you to access the areas of the elite? Or do you want a monopoly man?"
  • "Well, I read that bit, but I don't know how I'm supposed to get them there. We're just standing on the street right now, do you want me to say, like, 'Come to my secret lair?'" -- Edan Lacey trying to work out how to play Sirius-6
  • "I can see right through you with my internet."
  • "Yea, you don't want to know the internet things I've done." -- Philge
  • "Expecto Radtronum, dudes. Guys! I think we agreed that we would all say the team cry when we got together, yeah?"
  • "This is Philge. She beat me in the internet."

Table Talk

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