Armour Class of the Back of the Throat

Armor Class of the Back of the Throat
Episode	6.03
Published	March 13 2020
Link	https://thedragonfriends.com/episode/season-six-episode-three/
Episode Order
Previous	Could You Cast Friends on Me (6.02)
Next	We Unpack Later With a Professional (6.04)

Description

Trapped in the very same dungeon they broke their charge out of, The Dragon Friends are stuck between two vampire thralls and the entirety of Daggerford castle.

Synopsis

In the dungeons of Daggerford Castle, the Friends are confronted by Lecroix Pamplemousse, two guards and two vampiric thralls. Philge throws a javelin at Dorian, one of the vampire spawn, but it doesn't hurt him as much as she expected; LeCroix flees the scene as Baston dramatically wounds Dorian with his magical swords. Lionshield attempts to use his magical tinkering ability to make both of the vampire spawn's clothes seem to smell of garlic, and both of them panic. Lothario pulls out his silver rapier and throws it at Dorian, but misses and throws it into an empty prisoner cell. Bobby attempts to cast Dissonant Whispers on Isabella, attempting to distract her by whispering the Hamster Dance. One of the guards shoots Lionshield with a heavy crossbow while the other fumbles so badly he breaks his crossbow. Lionshield shoots his flame cannon back at the guard with the broken crossbow and kills him. Isabella throws Bobby to the floor and Dorian bites him, but being only a vampire spawn, this only drains Bobby slightly rather than transforming him. Lothario realises that he has thrown away his rapier, and asks if anyone has a spare weapon; Philge tries to pass him a javelin, but he slips and it flies into the same cell with the rapier. Philge throws Dorian off Bobby and smashes him over the head with one of the stone benches; the remaining guard attempts to escape but Lionshield kills him with a Ray of Frost and then threatens Dorian with his pistol against his teeth. After he refuses to order Isabella to stand down, Lionshield shoots him in the back of the throat (giving rise to the episode title) ; enraged, Isabella throws Lionshield into the empty cell, grabs Dorian, and climbs spider-like up the walls to flee.

Lionshield uses Spider Climb to reach the same window and throw down a rope for the Friends to escape, and they climb through into a courtyard outside the castle.

Lothario thanks them for rescuing them and explains that he was on his own mission, with a mercenary he regularly works with, to investigate the "Red Houses". People from the town are captured and taken there and then apparently shipped out, but he doesn't know where to. He leads them to his house to meet his mercenary friend, the Half-Elf Elf Shonling, who is staking out Rivershine Hall. He tells them that recently, a wagon left the Red House, and appeared to be going North to Flosen, not to Waterdeep as expected. Lothario states that he should pursue them to Flosen as soon as possible. Bobby states that he would prefer to directly investigate the Red House.

Cast

Dragon Friends

• Philge
• Bobby Pancakes
• Baston
• Lionshield Banknote
• Flappy, Philge's familiar and sardonic hype.. hawk

Guest NPCs

• Shonling, Lothario's mercenary and friend

NPCs

• Lothario Windswept, operatic revolutionary lieutenant
• Dorian and Isabella, annoying tween vampire spawn

• 
  

Places

• Daggerford Castle

Themes, Tropes and Running Jokes

• .Gratuitous Lists: the seven rules of Lothario and Shonling's house, also presented in song:

Number one, you must have the fun.
Number two, eat my mouse stew.
Number three, come with me, 
upstairs and if you say please, you can look at
Number four, through the monocle, 
Number five, at the red house jive, 
To my bedroom, where I can show you
A little good time, if you're an eight or above.
Now there's two rules left, but I'll tell you later.

Quotes

• "I stroll over to the.." "Don't use the word 'stroll' in a combat situation. It makes you sound like a psychopath." "Ok, I skip over then, Dave. Whatever."
• "Because it's a walk-and-talk, at that point he goes 'at my lodgings' and then there's a cut and he stops and he's outside a tenement building, because that's a transition, motherfucker."
• "It's not much to live in a house." "It's not much to live in a mouse." "But if you live in a house with a mouse, you could find that you make some friends." "Friends, friends, friends, friends, friends are very good to friends." "You see we live in a house." "I see you have got a wall, and three others." What makes it better than a wall and three others is the friends that live inside.."
• "Why don't you come in? I have prepared a little meal.. mouse soup." "So I guess you go in and have some mouse soup on your stake-out.. " "In the world, is mouse soup gross or is mouse soup cool? In our world obviously, mouse soup, not great, but in fantasy world who knows?" "Oh, I see what you're saying.. I think mouse soup is pretty weird unless you're like maybe a goblin or a cat." "So real world rules apply to mouse soup." "And just to check it's not just like Welsh rabbit, it's not like a name for something that's actually delicious?" "It's a bowl of stagnant water with a dead mouse in it." "Wait. Welsh rabbit or Welsh rarebit? 'Cos rarebit's cheese innit?" "I think it's a mispronounciation of rabbit. Like you wouldn't afford to get a rabbit so you soaked some cheesy bread in beer.." (Welsh rarebit isn't bread soaked in beer.)