|“||Can I cast a Witch Bolt on Leonard?||”|
|“||"He has been a bit of a pain in the butt. But he's our pain in the butt."||”|
Freezo is a high elf Warlock and member of the Dragon Friends. He is known for bluntness, cynicism, and general bloodthirsty lack of impulse control, but is also very protective of his friends Philge and Bobby Pancakes. Freezo is a strong (some might say too strong) proponent of various social causes. He loves costumes of all kinds, dreams of becoming a baker, and is a strong proponent of unions.
Upon reaching Warlock Level 2, Freezo gains a pseudodragon familiar named Bushu who regards him with loathing. Freezo later set Bushu free while exploring the Tomb of Annihilation, before encountering him again in the Feywild in I've Got A Song As Well. When he meets his fiendish patron, Robbie Silver, during Speaking Ten to Ten, his Warlock powers are altered as he is given a Hexblade as compensation for never receiving any work. Despite being a Warlock, Freezo required his spell book in order to cast spells until he became a Hexblade, though he didn't realise he no longer needed it until That's Not The Plot Of The Prestige. As of Tit for Tat with Carlo Ritchie, he has not tried to use his Hexblade powers.
As of Ensorcelled, Freezo has been transported to the city of Dweomerheart by the goddess Mystra in an attempt to cure his bloodthirst, after an attempt to use forbidden rituals to take her place in the pantheon was foiled by Hyperion Max and the other Friends.
His overall ruthlessness has led to a disproportionally high kill count among the Dragon Friends, usually Murder by Witch Bolt. Aside from death and destruction, his frequent response to any problem is to "make an Arcana check".
Before the Dragon Friends
Freezo was abandoned in his infancy at the door of the Temple of Mystra in Daggerford. Per the events of A Very Dragon Chrisfriends, his parents sensed a dangerous potential in their son, and hoped that priests and scholars could provide appropriate guidance and discipline. In A Merry Very Yulemas, Freezo further discovers that both he and Froyo are not just high elves - they are also part Yulemas elf.
Freezo was raised as an acolyte under the care of Mistress Lorna. Sheltered inside temple walls, his adventures with the Dragon Friends represent his first exposure to the outside world. Freezo has difficulty adjusting to the stresses and opportunities of outside life and resorts with a mixture of eagerness, social ineptitude and outright murder.
Speaking Ten to Ten revealed that Freezo's dark patron, and the source of his Warlock powers, is Robbie Silver - a demonic theatrical agent. Freezo was furious when he discovered that Robbie had been sending him messages about "gigs" via dreams, since as an elf, Freezo does not sleep and has no dreams. Robbie was a little embarrassed, and as a sort of compensation transformed Freezo into a Hexblade, giving him a demonic magical sword and altering many of his warlock powers.
Freezo's Funhouse (Part 2) also revealed that Freezo's first victim was a white dragon named Atirius. Even a young white dragon would be a formidable opponent for a level 1 Warlock, so this presumably occurred during a training exercise at the monastery or in a group (or he just Witch Bolted a freshly hatched Wyrmling).
Freezo initially pledges to use non-lethal means of solving problems on the Friends' new adventure, but after almost getting killed by father O'Donovich, and having his equipment stolen by Philge, he murders Baston’s horse “Horsey Two-Horse” to steal its life energy (by gaining temporary hit points), and renounces his non-lethal pledge.
Freezo gains a familiar - the Feydragon Bushu (who is legally distinct from Mushu). Turns chains tasty to distract Robert. The party meets fellow adventurer Edvard Oswick, meeting his family and adventuring with him for a short time, but Freezo still attempts to kill Edvard for more temporary hit points. He fails, and Edvard declares Freezo his sworn enemy.
Michael Hing is away so in his absence an intervention is held. Freezo gifts his possessions to his fellow party members before running head first into a wall. Finally arriving in Ravenloft castle he uses a soul stone to summon the fallen paladin cedar and discovers the vampire Strahd is invincible to all attacks and magic.
Freezo goes in search of pants for an entire episode. When he returns he has new golden pants. He swaps these with Philge to regain his spell book during the fight with mad Moira the hag. Her death leads to Freezo owning the deep gnomes
In a confrontation with the vampire Strahd, Freezo makes his cock and balls garlic flavoured and brandishes them at the vampire.
After the vampire flees the Dragon friends investigate the history of the Vampire Strahd. A mimic attacks and Freezo uses burning hands and Witch bolt to take it down ignoring Philge and Bobby who stood in his way at the time. Freezo loots the mimic gaining 120 gold coins. One of the coins when spent will cost Freezo one year of his life but the Recipient will have explosive magical diarrhoea
Freezo stabs a sleeping Strahd to no effect. In the build up to the final conflict Oswick returns and attacks the party and the Bakers Boy himself. Oswick is murdered by Strahd before the group use the name sword of Sergei Von Zarovich to defeat the Vampire Strahd. They are teleported into Chiba due to Strahd’s Magical portal collapsing around them.
A Very Dragon Chrisfriends (2016)
- Main article: A Very Dragon Chrisfriends
At Yulemas in Daggerford, Freezo learns that he has living family members when his older but almost identical cousin, Froyo, arrives from Glimmerwood. Froyo, whose own parents are dead, was raised in wealth and comfort by Freezo's parents. When Bobby realises Freezo has no Yulemas present for Philge, he sends Freezo out into the snow to get one, accompanied by Froyo. While in the snowstorm, Freezo is separated from Froyo and challenged by a mysterious red-cloaked elf, who Freezo kills with a Witch Bolt - transferring the curse of the Yulemas King from the figure to Freezo.
Both are shrunk and transported inside Philge's gingerbread house, where they meet the gingerbread man Rove, a magical Yulemas guide who reveals that the curse can broken by passing the "Trials of the Yulemas King". They pass the first challenge, and then travel to the past, they see Freezo's parents, with young Froyo, carrying baby Freezo to the Temple. Freezo learns why he was abandoned - there was a prophecy that Freezo would have great dark power, and they hoped the priests would give him a moral compass. They also watch young Froyo steal a silver acorn necklace his mother meant Freezo to have. They pass the second challenge when Froyo gives the pendant back to Freezo. They are then transported to a sumptuous chamber and encounter "King Baby", which calls Freezo Father Yulemas; as Freezo mistreats the baby - handling it roughly and threatening his parents - the baby grows bigger and more demonic. Freezo struggles with the challenge but eventually realises he must treat the baby nicely, and lets it bite him, narrowly passing the third test.
Finally the pair are transported to the lair of a Krampus, the creator of the Yulemas curse, and it captures Rove in its sack. Freezo tries to betray Froyo, but is also captured. As Froyo, frightened and out of spells, desperately tries to attack the Krampus and save Freezo, Freezo realises that the acorn necklace is responding to his actions - and that his actions have consequences. This breakthrough (however short-lived) causes the acorn to reveal itself as an Ent guardian, which Freezo's mother meant to protect Freezo. The Ent bursts out of the sack and kills the Krampus, passing the last of the trials and breaking the Yulemas curse. Froyo and Freezo return to the Dragon Friends' house, where Freezo gives the necklace to Philge as her Yulemas present.
Victim count: 2, though he almost kills Froyo twice
Freezo began the season as he meant to go on by Eldritch Blasting the circuitry of the Friends' prison door, gaining the attention of Mr. Sour who recruited them to protect Johnny Playstation - a mission which Freezo misunderstood several times in front of his superiors as a request to kill Johnny, or to kill Glitter Gleam, the gnome who threatened Johnny's life at his Chiba concert. When Sour offered them a choice of items to take with them, Freezo was the only one to think to ask for a gun, becoming the only member armed with a modern weapon (which was named Benny Davis, after a famous murderer). He uses the gun to shoot Briggs (1 victim), a Playstation fan sneaking around backstage, who was only looking for an autograph but did brandish a weapon at the Friends; the abrupt brutality of his non-magical death sinks in to him for a moment leaving him in stunned silence. When Glitter Gleam attempts to attack Johnny, Freezo fires again, causing a riot to start as Johnny's panic is conducted to the audience by his reverse empathy but incidentally saving his life by distracting him and Glitter just as a heavy effects unit was about to fall on him.
While attending Glitter Gleam's show at the Guggenheim, after an attack on Glitter Gleam sets off the alarm and it becomes apparent that the police calming the resulting mob are validating citizen's ID chips, Freezo distracts the police by incinerating 9 random people in the crowd with Burning Hands (10 victims). He is able to escape justice by leveraging police corruption, but he does lose his gun in the process, having it replaced by a police-issue non-lethal shotgun. Freezo's Colt 45 is replaced by Mr. Sour.
He uses this gun in the raid on ZOG bank to threaten Dichael Carmichael into unlocking access to the server room. On the way to Freeside he shoots a fleeing tribesperson in the back of the head (11), cheers for Philge when she kills Grundle Cocksplat to take over the tribe herself, and then kills slave-owner Friendly Pete (who did challenge him to combat) by tricking him into riding a Battle-Roo loaded with explosives, spectacularly killing him, the roo, and its joey (14).
Freezo uses his previously undiscovered share dealing skills to raise enough money for the Friends to pay their entry stake at the Haystack casino. After the friends are locked in the casino's holding cell for Philge's theft of chips from Julian Fairbanks, Philge and Freezo stage a fight in which Freezo is quite badly wounded due to Philge's misinterpretation of the word "stage", and then uses Crown of Madness to cause one of their guards to kill the other (15). Once they reach Freeside, Freezo is shocked to discover that his connection to his source of magic is severed while on the orbital station, and instead attempts to sneak past Two Guards by firing his shotgun into the air, starting another riot and also causing an automatic function of the police-issue shot gun to call for backup. This results in Freezo being tasered by the police and needing to be rescued by Philge. After being taken backstage, Freezo sadistically disables a wounded Stoot-man by squirting hand sanitizer into his open wounds and escapes the concert with the other Friends.
At the Freeside plaza, Freezo notices and approaches Sirius-6 Dumbleboy hanging around the Horizon compound, leading to the Friends' introduction to the Zhivago Twelve. Freezo assists Philge and the Twelve in disabling the Freeside computer system using the Haywire Cube, while the other Friends prepare to rush into the Voss-Saito Compound to unfreeze Johnny while the systems are down. It is during this deception that Mail Chimp attempts to declare that Freezo is her son, resulting in a curious relationship forming between the two of them. Freezo activates the Haywire cube while Philge and Mail Chimp distract the guards, but when they later meet Mr Terminal - the head of Voss-Saito security - Freezo is shot and mortally wounded after attempting to garotte him with a yo-yo cord. He is nursed back to health by Mail Chimp suckling him with her healing nipple implant, further strengthening the relationship between them.
Freezo is then revealed to have been a critical part of the plan all along, as Michael Hing (NPC), aged and trapped on the satellite, has led the team here in order to trade places with Freezo and adventure with the Friends. Stunned by the paradoxical meta-implications of this and the possible consequences of doing so, Freezo is unable to act, but the other Friends lift his gun in his hand and pull his finger on the trigger, causing him to kill Michael Hing for Temporary Hit Points (16). He then escapes with the other Friends.
Total victim count: 16. Only the Burning Hands casting at the Guggenheim gave Freezo a significantly higher kill count than the other Friends, unless it is assumed that Freeside was completely destroyed and that Freezo was responsible for this as he activated the Haywire Cube. In that case, his victim count for this season is likely in the thousands or millions, including Bobson Dugnuts, Sebastian Bumblebee, all the remaining members of the Zhivago Twelve, and Meegan the authoress. Since he did not enter Season 4 with several million temporary hit points, it can be assumed that his connection to the Haywire Cube was insufficient to do so, or that his patron deemed him to be only following Fairbanks' orders.
Also, although he may have tried, there is not a single Murder by Witch Bolt in season 3.
A Merry Very Yulemas
After the end of the Yulemas curse, the citizens of Faerun now buy presents themselves from the magical floating marketplace of New Bork, ruled by Jerf Zebos. While shopping there with the other Dragon Friends, Freezo finds himself magically prevented from leaving, and is soon reunited with Froyo, who reveals they are both part Yulemas Elf, and thus subject to the curse that enslaves all Yulemas Elves on New Bork - though unlike the pureblooded Yulemas Elves, they still have their free will. Froyo is part of the underground resistance on New Bork, and Freezo - along with Philge, who got lost while shopping - more or less helps his cousin confront and destroy Zebos and the island itself, once more destroying Yulemas.
Tomb of Annihilation
During their adventure in Chult, the rest of the Dragon Friends were mildly disgusted to learn that Freezo's nipples are pierced.
Freezo is a critical part of the backstory of Season 4, as the season deals with Bobby Pancakes and Hyperion Max's plan to prevent Freezo, who has gained immortality, from replacing the goddess Mystra.
Along with the other Dragon Friends, Freezo finds himself in the City of Brass with no memory of how he arrived there, and where they seem to be running a con to get a magical orb called "the Lance". They escape using magical crystal bracers which teleport them to the bridge of the Heart of Glass, a wondrous ship that can fly between worlds. Its intelligence LOGAN explains they are the ship's crew; Freezo is the navigator. They apparently had their memories erased as part of the plan to steal the Lance
After an encounter with the goblin Ostin Powerful, where Freezo gains a small hoard of rubies, they return to the ship to find they are being pursued by Admiral Jayne Steyer and his fleet for breaking the "Shard Treaty" and they jump again, this time arriving in the Feywild - and almost immediately running into Freezo's ex-familiar, Bushu. Freezo gets drunk and nearly ruins Bushu's once-a-century opportunity to join the fey court by trying to participate in the fey monarch's declarations of love for each other. They escape through a portal to the Abyss - the realm where Freezo's warlock patron, Robbie Silver, resides. Freezo takes the others to visit Robbie, ostensibly to seek help but really because he thinks it might make him more powerful, and discovers that he has never received any messages from Robbie because he was sending them via dreams, and elves don't sleep. Embarrassed, and charmed by the friends' new ally Bassbass Wihouveberry, Robbie makes it up to Freezo by altering his warlock powers and gives him a magical Hexblade.
Aboard the Saturnine, which is from the weird world of Carcosa and rumoured to be cursed, Freezo impresses an upper class dinner crowd with a borderline racist jokeand then defeats the Bellows Men Cardinal by "gooch punching" him with an arms of Hadar spell right into the maw of the Carcosa shard. Bobbyconvinces the Bellows Men that this makes Freezo their new Cardinal, and he inspires a short-lived uprising, ordering the ship to go full speed to Primus. The shard is overloaded and explodes, lodging a splinter in Bobby's heart which nearly kills him. Bobby's body is kept alive in a moon chamber, but in order for his consciousness to survive it must be magically transplanted into the mind of someone else, and Freezo volunteers. Inside Freezo's mind Bobby discovers a weird carnival world populated by everyone Freezo has ever killed. He escapes, but not before freeing Freezo's first victim, the white dragon Atirius, who had been trapped there.
When Bobby recovers, Freezo and the others have been captured once again by Steyer after the rebellion of the Bellows Men failed, and are taken to Primus to be judged by the council of planeswalkers. Freezo demands Gribbits, the Waterdeep goblin who represented them in Frisko's Camp, act as their lawyer again - but then unwisely claims that they have buried Max's body, leading the council to skip the rest of the trial and vote for the death penalty. They are found guilty, but in thanks for their rescue of Oberon, Titania commutes their sentence to imprisonment in the House Eternal, the realm of the planeswalker known as the Archivist.
It is in the House Eternal that Freezo begins to discover the truth about his past, as he learns that he had previously been imprisoned in the House and escaped - the only person to have done so. He is able to see a recording of his prior escape, which shows Freezo killing himself with a knife in front of the House's main door, at which point his dead body "glitches" and he appears, alive and well, on the other side of the door. Freezo goes back to the door and kills himself with the same knife, but appears in a glitched dimension in which he can freely move through to the other side. .
The Friends learn that after a great battle alongside Hyperion Max against a stellar dragon which was trying to force its way into the Cradle, Freezo left the Dragon Friends for a time and built some kind of magical citadel in the Badlands. The Friends decide to visit the citadel; as they approach, Freezo cannot guess his password and they sacrifice many of their crew to fight a way through a horde of mechanical fighters. In an inner sanctum made to look like Freezo's childhood room in the temple of Mystra, they find a locked diary. Baston kicks the lock off but Freezo can't decipher the code within. In the back of the diary is a note; Freezo tries to read it, but a glyph of warding spell explodes and kills him; this causes him to glitch and reappear again, and Freezo realises he has become immortal. The note is in Bobby's handwriting and cryptically declares that he "knows what you are".
Freezo sees a strange world beyond an obviously mystical archway in the room, one that calls to him and feels like eternal peace, but is unable to pass through the archway. They discover that the tower's security system has recordings of everything that has happened there, and learn that many other adventurers have entered the tower trying to reclaim rare magical tomes Freezo had stolen, but none succeeded. Then they ask to see the footage of when Freezo constructed the archway; they see Bobby, Philge and Baston enter the room and confront Freezo, Bobby telling him he cannot be allowed to complete his mad scheme to "become a god". Freezo refuses to listen, and so Bobby, after saying "it's all up to Hyperion Max now", uses a magical item which removes all their weapons and then teleports them away - presumably to the City of Brass. Back in the tower, the Dragon Friends are stunned, but Freezo remains determined to open the door until Jeremy reassembles the device Bobby had in the footage and threatens to use it if Freezo does not go back to the Heart of Glass.
After freeing the Heart of Glass from Lady Casilda, the Friends return to the Deadlands citadel where Freezo finds that the Lance is the key to activating the archway. As the others attempt to prevent him passing through, he orders the Heart of Glass to crash into the tower as a distract them, and then passes through to the city of Dweomerheart, where he realizes his destiny is to take the place of Mystra. The other friends pursue him, but Freezo then discovers that the archway has been booby-trapped by Hyperion Max while his memories were erased, to lead to a prison dimension rather than to the true Dweomerheart. Max, having expected only Freezo to pass through, steals the Lance and leaves both Freezo and the Friends trapped in the dimensional prison; but Bassbass Wihouveberry, who entered the archway with them, is then revealed as Mystra's mortal form. She takes pity on Freezo and offers to return the Friends to Faerun, and restore Bobby Pancakes to life, if she is permitted to take Freezo herself to attempt to remove the evil from his soul. Philge finally makes the decision to allow this, and Freezo is taken away.
Mystra takes Freezo to her realm of Dweomerheart in Elysium, where she spends six years guiding and mentoring him one-on-one every day. She eventually realises this personal attention from a god is only feeding his ego, and so she gradually removes herself from his studies over the following six years.
In flashbacks to his therapy during this time, we learn many things about Freezo, including that he is a virgin.
Towards the end of the twelve years, Mystra's acolyte Davon Schwa takes over Freezo's guidance.
While in Dweomerheart Freezo grows a beard, but does not find peace - or seemingly reform at all.
Beef Babes Season 1
Freezo is sent on the next stage of his journey of self-improvement. He is reunited with Bushu, but is angry to discover that only two months have passed "on the outside" - and that Bushu lied about being a tiny dragon (he's really a Dragonborn). He agrees to join Bushu so the two can be rehabilitated together by assisting a junior Paladin, the tiefling Bethanee Smiles, on her Godsquest. Freezo joins her, Bushu and the tabaxi barbarian Kit Gingerson, though he makes a terrible first impression. He is forced to wear a "friendship bracelet" - an unremovable and virtually indestructible magical veridian necklace forged by Moradin himself, which Bethanee can channel her divine power into to silence Freezo, cause him pain, or compel him to tell the truth. Freezo adds the three adventurers to his list of enemies before they are all sent to Elysium.
On their journey to the shining city of Hestovar, Freezo goes through Bethanee's things looking for a way to remove his necklace, but only finds Mystra's letter to Bethanee explaining what it is and that it will "protect [Bethanee] from Freezo, but more importantly, it will protect Freezo from himself." When they arrive at the city, he is sent by Mother Bullmoose to the room of trials to prove he is worthy to serve Bethanee on her quest. Afterwards he is given supplies to help them in an underwater adventure, but he throws away the instructions.