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Who knew that this could go so wrong, so quickly?
 
— Michael Hing
I fucking LOVE this.
 
— Dave Harmon


 Description

Just an absolutely terrible idea. DM’d by Michael “Freezo” Hing with special guest Gen Fricker, Greg Larsen and.. more?

Synopsis

Bobby, Daphnyl, Dave and Reginald are preparing to rescue the paladin Frederick Cuck from the white dragon Atirius; his prison can be reached only through a trapdoor in the center of the circus ring in which Daphnyl performs. Dave suggests that they all pick roles to play in the show. Michael Hing casually asks Daphnyl in-character what her role would be; Dave points out that he's the DM and thus he does not know what character he is speaking as. After some hassle, it is decided that Michael Hing (NPC) - who was also killed by Freezo - has joined them; it's mentioned that Demi Lardner (who previously played Ostin Powerful in The Big Boys of Junkerton) is in the audience, and she is invited to play Sam Campbell playing Hing as a guest PC. Dave eventually decides that he will do an improv comedy act, Reginald will deliver a talk on Andy Warhol, Bobby will dance, and Hing will "pull his bum off" (which attracts some confusion as to how he will do this).

The three of them dash into the Big Top where Daphnyl performs for the crowd of Freezo's victims while Dave dives down the trapdoor, forgetting to check for a ladder and injuring himself. The remainder follow through the trapdoor, and Hing declares that NPC-Hing falls and breaks his neck. Passing through the tunnel they arrive in the throne room where the paladin Cuck is held with his life being drained by mystical orbs. Dave casts Remove Curse to remove the draining orbs. Bobby smashes the crystal ball through which he could see Cuck, apparently believing this would free him, but instead it scatters broken glass over the floor; he then uses his vibrating butt to unlock the physical shackles holding Cuck down. Frederick gathers up his magical katana and vape pen, and Daphnyl offers him a hug (which, as she's a sea hag, only freaks him out).

The White Dragon, Atirius, speaks telepathically to Bobby, explaining that he was Freezo's first victim and has been attempting to project himself from Freezo's Funhouse back into their world - most recently as Horsey Two-Horse (who was also murdered by Freezo). Cuck immediately engages Atirius with his katana while Bobby and Dave both climb into the stuffed Garfields they won previously. Reginald attempts to stab the dragon in the neck with the pole from the Hook A Duck game and critically hits him, destroying the X mark that was trapping him in Freezo's mind and setting him free; the dragon leaves. A set of sandstone walls rises from the ground, surrounding the party in sandstone walls in a room with a fanged bronze chandelier and black-burning blood-red candles.

An Altar stands in the center of the room, inscribed "Use your head to paint me red; inside of thee resides your key", and the walls are also covered in runic inscriptions describing Atirius as an artisan mage who produced paintings in his own blood. An actual painting shows Atirius holding a paintbrush, near to a door. Frederick experimentally breathes Cherry Red vape liquid over everyone's heads; Daphnyl attempts to insult the painting to metaphorically "turn it red" but this also has no effect. Cuck finally undresses and then beheads himself with his katana, and Dave and Bobby rub the blood on the painting, causing the door to open. Hing admits that "... it kind of peters out at this point."

God/Dave takes back over, announcing that Bobby awakens in the Moon Chamber, returning to Halfling form.. but also sees that the Friends have been chained up by Steyr to be taken to trial on Primus.

People

Dragon Friends

Guest PCs

Non-Player Characters (NPCs) 

Bestiary

  • Atirius the White Dragon

Places

Themes, tropes and running jokes

  • Dave suggests that "everything Freezo has killed has been the same soul reborn", which is an idea from Douglas Adams' Life, the Universe, and Everything, in which it is revealed that ingenue Arthur Dent has spent his life accidentally killing the same being, Agrajag, over and over again.

Quotes

  • "Hing! I got drunk in the break!" "Usually Dave just like kind of gathers us, and talks for us for long enough so we forget that we can drink in the break..."
  • "Hey. Did you say that this place is full of people who were killed by Freezo?" "Yes." "And you're like a strange Asian comedian with a proboscis. Who are you?" (Referring to Michael Hing (NPC) from Season 3)
  • "I wanted my bum to be off and I rolled a 5. It's only one cheek."
  • "Is Reginald covered in blood?" "From what?" "Err... nothing, actually. I just thought that I'd slain a dragon and then I remembered that I hadn't."

Table Talk

  • "I'm taking the wine. I'm taking the wine. You've had enough."
  • "I raise my fist above my head and I start to hover." "Alright, you know what, I'll play this because this is the kind of shit Dave would never let you do." "You bought stocks!"
  • "Well, I didn't expect THAT to happen at all. The jewel.. the red X dissolves.. and Atirius' black jewel is.. aww, you've fucked up Dave's story for next week because Atirius the dragon is now free and flies off into the sky." "He's no longer attacking us?" "No, because he just wanted to escape.. and now you've got to deal with that next week, Dave. Because he was trying to project himself out before.." "You can't do this!" "Man, this was all in the notes.. fuck! I don't know, man!"
  • "You don't get to explain the scenes we missed. That's the joy of Dungeons and Dragons." "That's the pain of being Dave." "You never asked who Frederick Cuck was..." "We didn't give a shit." "... The reason he was chained up in there is that he was the remnants of Freezo's moral compass." "Which means that if Freezo looks at a simple puzzle, he is happy to destroy his entire moral compass to pass it?"
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