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You a planeswalker? Me a neckstomper, bitch!
 
Philge

 Description

Ancient bards speak of the the four classic narrative structures. Man vs God, Man vs Nature, Man vs Man and Freezo vs Simple Turbine Trap. In this grand tradition we present the latest episode of Dragon Friends – with guest DM Carlo Ritchie!.

Synopsis

The Friends are working their way through the wetways in order to reach the bridge of the Heart of Glass. The Tinker Gnomes lead them through, but then explain that getting there will require passing through one of the turbines that power the ship. They soon arrive at the room where the turbine blades cross the wetways between two balconies. Philge asks what is below the turbines, and an ironic suggestion that it's "crocodiles" expands to there being a crocodile farm on the ship. Freezo decides to jam Jeremy's Immovable Rod into the turbines to stop them while they pass through, and the Friends are able to pass through safely. Freezo then reaches through the turbine to recover the immovable rod, and his hand is chopped off by the turbine as it restarts, so he throws himself into the crocodile pit in order to die and regenerate with his hand restored. Unfortunately he neglected to note that he cannot get out of the crocodile pit when resurrecting, so he spends an hour in a time loop constantly reappearing in the crocodile pit and being devoured until the crocodiles are all full (thus the episode title). He also finds one of the crocodiles is unhappily rotating in place, as it has eaten the Immovable Rod, with a second course of so much Freezo that the button has been pressed inside it and locked it in place. He guts it with his Hexblade to retrieve the rod, then climbs up to the ledge where the other Friends have been playing poker while they wait.

When they approach the bridge, they hear Lady Casilda attempting to order her staff to locate the Planeswalker Shard on the Heart of Glass, while Bobson Dugnutt attempts to point out to her that the Lance works as the Shard on the ship. Casilda has been trying to fly the ship but cannot control the ship from the navigation chair. The Friends decide that Baston will attempt to seduce Lady Casilda, Freezo will attempt to sneak in and steal the Lance, and Philge will wait in reserve to kill Lady Casilda if the plan fails.

Baston enters the room and begins bending over and showing off in the hope of interesting Lady Casilda while Freezo invisibly sneaks into the bridge bathrooms and blocks the toilet to start a flood, hoping that Bobson will visit to unclog the toilet. When he does, Freezo knocks him unconscious and uses disguise self to appear as Bobson, then walks back into the bridge to attempt to steal the Lance. Meanwhile, Jeremy disguises himself as a crewmember and he and Philge enter the bridge together; Jeremy attempts to punch Casilda, but misses. Frustrated, Casilda threatens the Friends with dire consequences for attempting to harm her and casts dispel magic, revealing the Friends' identities. She also reveals that she holds a phylactery giving her control over a zombie Bobby Pancakes as created by Titania.

Freezo attempts to force Casilda out of the navigator's chair and take control of the ship to return it to his tower (and also trying to order LOGAN to gas everyone on the bridge, knowing he will resurrect), and Baston reaches forward and cuts the vial away from Lady Casilda's neck; Casilda and Jeremy both dive for it, Jeremy getting there first and commanding Bobby to stop, and Philge brutally stomps on Lady Casilda's neck, breaking it and killing her instantly.

People

Dragon Friends

NPCs

Bestiary

  • The Favored

Places

  • The Heart of Glass

Themes, tropes and running jokes

  • Uniquely, in this episode - possible due to the combat being unexpected - the Dragon Friends roll initiative for the first time in the whole series (since it is usually rolled in advance).

Quotes

  • "Excuse me, gentleman, I couldn't help overhearing because I was listening to what you were saying."
  • "Is there not a ground I can go along?" "No, there's crocodiles." "You have to walk along the axle." "Also, Freezo, you can fly." "... Oh yeah. I'll fly."
  • "The crocodiles were in one room.. that I didn't realize the crocs were going to be there." "It was a thing I said as a joke."
  • "You've never seen the thousand torrents.. thousand torments I can release upon you." "Has Philge got the giggles now?" "... I've just downloaded all these movies.."
  • "And she takes out from her.. top.. clothes.." "You know lady fashion."

Table Talk

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