The first episode in the Dragon Friends second campaign, originally titled "When Hell Freezo-Ver", but now known as Beef Babes.


Our new adventure for Twitch and Freezo's long, dark journey of the soul.


For Freezo it has been twelve years of meditation in the Dweomerheart, home of the goddess Mystra on the divine plane of Elysium - though only two months have passed "on the outside". During that time he was guided full-time by Mystra herself for six years, but as she realised her ministrations may not be helping, he was left to study alone and with Mystra's acolyte, Davon Schwa. He is told that he is finally moving onto the next step of his rehabilitation.

Having been packed a bag to leave, Freezo receives his first visitor - his former familiar, Bushu. Bushu apologises for being a neglectful familiar before revealing he is not a Feydragon, but a Dragonborn.

In a stone circle in the woods Freezo and Bushu meet a big buff orange cat-person, Kit Gingerson, and a red skinned horned tiefling - the junior Paladin Bethanee Smiles. Freezo and Bushu are enlisted to help Bethanee on her “Godsquest”. They build rapport by telling their favourite jokes. 

They form a “Davon Huddle” and are informed that the next step for the Godsquest would be to head to the shining city of Hestovar to meet her superior and find out what Bethanee’s task will be. Bethanee is also given a wooden box containing a large iron ring. With Kit and the other’s help she places the ring around Freezo’s neck, referring to it as “Friendship Bracelet”. They invite Freezo to do whatever he wants, and he tries to kill Davon with an eldritch blast, but Bethanee uses her divine power to activate the necklace and silences Freezo, preventing him from casting the spell.  

As Freezo tries to wheedle some money out of Davon, he teleports the party to a verdant wood on Elysium, not far from Hestovar. Kit climbs up a tree to get a better look at the way. He also sees a massive battlefield with thousands of dead on the ground. Bethanee pulls out a book of the myths of the dawnfather. She recognises the battlefield as the trial of the champions. As the sun sets, Selune’s grace brings everyone back to life.

They head off to join the end of the battle celebrations, and along the way Bethanee asks for suggestions for a game to help the new team bond. Freezo suggests his “favourite game”, in which his friends share their biggest weakness or fear - which Bushu immediately spots as a trap, but they do it anyway after Freezo claims his biggest fear is the people closest to him lying to him. Kit’s biggest weakness is that he has no weakness. Bushu’s biggest weakness is for mid-century North American furniture. Bethanee’s biggest fear is snakes due to a bad hazing ritual at the cloister. 

They join two soldiers, Trondor and Krum, who initially react negatively to discovering Bethanee is a tiefling. They check themselves and invite them over for some tinnies. Freezo shows off about being in therapy with Mystra. While they settle down with some beers that Bethanee pretends to drink, Freezo steals Trondor’s cymbals. Kit Gingerson notices Freezo’s theft. To prove that the cymbals belong to him, Freezo expertly performs a song he composed during his time in Dweomerheart (which sounds uncannily like “Cruel Angel’s Thesis”, the theme to Neon Genesis Evangellion). Trondor attempts to show his skills before realising his cymbals are missing, and running off to search for them.

Krum goes after Trondor, but pauses to warn Bethanee that she’ll face more anti-tiefling prejudice in the shinning city. They all rest around the abandoned fire for the night. Freezo offers to takes the first watch for the night, and Kit sings them to sleep (accompanied by Freezo on the cymbals). Once the others are asleep, Freezo attempts to find a key for the “friendship bracelet”; but instead finds the box the ring came in, which contains a card:

“Bethanee, it pains me that we could not meet. I smile upon your God’s quest just as I smile upon the services of all paladins in service of  righteousness. Freezo is a troubled soul but there is good inside him; this ring may help it come to the surface. This is to help him find it. This ring was forged in the flames of the forgefathers forge it is unbreakable except on the forge ...” (It goes on about forges for about three more paragraphs.)
“It will protect you from him but more importantly, it will protect him from himself. May the lights grace go with you.” - Mystra

Freezo puts the box back in the bag, and then notices a tiny imp sneaking up on Kit. He watches as it pours poison into Kit’s ear, then charges at it and Freezo slashes it with his hexblade. The imp recoils in pain, waking the party; Kit suffers vertigo from the poison and falls to his knees, but Bushu wakes quickly and murders the imp with an acid splash before accusing Freezo of summoning it. They are attacked by more invisible imps. Bethanee uses see invisibility to be able to see the imps and assist the party in defeating them. One imp survives and runs off. Bethanee heals Kit of his poison.

Bushu, Freezo and Kit gives chase to the invisible imp getting lost in the process. Bethanee summons a steed a Tall dainty majestic mountain goat called “Steve”. Freezo spends this time summoning an arcane Spector out of the Imp he earlier decapitated. He christens this new Spector “Nu-Shu”

Bethanee charges ahead chasing the imp into the forest on Steve. Freezo jogs begins before bumping into Bushu and Kit who were unable to locate the hidden imp. Freezo introduces the party to “Nu-Shi” the party (Bushu in particular) are not impressed

Bethanee finds a scorched black circle of stones and a figure and an imp are conversing in Draconic in a circle. Bethanee uses command to make them “Grovel” The green skinned Monk resists and jumps up and kicks Bethanee before landing in the trees. The rest of the party catch up. Bushu fires a huge bolt of lightning destroying the tree and sending the monk tumbling to the ground. Freezo casts a Witch-Bolt and Kit throws a Javelin at the monk killing him. 

Kit interrogates the Imp for more information however a spell seals the imp preventing him from telling the truth. The loot a holy symbol of salune from the Monk’s body. They agree to tell Mother Bullmoose when they arrive to Hestovar. 

They head back to campsite and bump into Trondor who agrees to accompany them back to Hestovar on his Holy Steed a real big slobbery bloodhound. 


Dragon Friends


  • Davon Schwa
  • Trondor
  • Krum

Guest NPCs


  • Imps


  • Dweomerheart
  • Elysium

Tropes, themes and running jokes

  • Freezo's Chongus is a topic of discussion once again with the new party already aware of the disfigured chongus and Bethanee
  • Bushu's steps to apologising are a gratuitous list

Table Talk

  • We find out that Michael Hing can’t disappoint old Chinese ladies and will lie to them even when they’re his therapists. 
  • Dave used to run a zombie LARP to which trolls constantly asked if they could bring real guns, in response to rules about no modified nerf guns being allowed.
  • ”What’s the armour class of pyjamas?” 
  • “Is “self-suck” two words or one Dave?”


Bethanee's Joke:

”Why did the scarecrow get an award?
“For standing out in his field”

Kit Gingerson's Joke

“What do you call nuts on a wall?” 
“What do you call nuts on your chest?” 
“What do you call nuts on your chin?” 
“A dick in your mouth”
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