Now, me no big city doctor...

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Freeside and space and cops and shotguns and vans and Johnny Playstation and spells and magic n stuff.


With Philge having attempted to skateboard Johnny Playstation backstage, Freezo having threatened to kill himself, and Bobby Pancakes having failed to impersonate Raoul Chamgerlain, the police are now pressing through the crowd in Freeside. A police sergeant accosts Freezo as to why he has a police-issued shotgun that's supposed to be used by officers. Freezo threatens the sergeant into handing over his badge then attempts to casts Crown of Madness on one of the officers, forgetting that his connection to his magical patron was disabled last episode, and gets tased. Philge rides through the crowd on her skateboard to protect Freezo by bribing the cops with the Haywire Cube, but Freezo then tries to shoot one of them anyway, so Philge grabs both him and one of the officers and skateboards after Bobby and Baston. As they flee, Philge shakes the cop she grabbed to force him to release the Haywire Cube which Freezo takes (plus his keys, a photo of his wife and a vial of hand sanitizer), but is then shot with a stun bullet by one of the pursuing cops.

Bobby and Baston burst into a garage where the two Stoot-Men are loading a metal case onto a van. Bobby disarms one of them with his shock baton, but the Stoot-men refuse to stand down even after one of them is seriously wounded with the stolen gun. When Philge and Freezo arrive, Freezo runs over to the wounded Stoot-Man and squirts hand sanitizer into his open wounds while Philge rages, charges at the Stoot-Man and punches his head clean off. Bobby evades the remaining Stoot-Man and rushes over to the dead body, looting it for the keys to the van. Baston cuts the remaining Stoot-man in half with his sword and the Friends flee in the van with the metal case, which holds Johnny Playstation.


Dragon Friends

Non-Player Characters (NPCs)

  • Michael and Sally, Freeside police officers



Themes, tropes and running jokes

  • When Dave recaps the bit about Freezo threatening suicide to get Johnny's attention, Benny Davis also recaps the Thank You melody by Dido that appeared at the end of the previous episode.
  • Kung Fu Baston has to be reminded by the audience to use his sword rather than repeatedly kicking the Stoot-Men in the face.
  • Philge announces she is raging at the Stoot-Men because "her dad was a cop", leading to a discussion of her parentage. This eventually results in the claim that her dad was a "human police goblin" named Phil in Faerun and her mother was Gorkon, the best fighter in the Orc army. Philge had loved her father until she walked in on him having sex with a fairy.
  • Stoots


  • "I've noticed something, Hing, which is that when an awkward conversation at the table starts you kill someone rather than finish it."
  • "I've got -1 Intimidation, but +6 Charisma." "That's not right."
  • "I turn around and am surprised that no one has been killed by Freezo. And a little bit proud." -- Philge
  • "You make your way into a large garage." "A large garage! Is it a mirage? And on a barge?" "You all die."
  • "These guys are genetically engineered assassins and they're SHIT."
  • "And in the far distance you can see a man really fuck up an easy punch."
  • "Philge's dad's name was...Phil." "What's Philge's mother's name?" "I dunno, Gorkon or something?" — Alex confuses Star Trek fans everywhere

Table Talk

  • This is mislabeled as "2.13" in the podcast feed.
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