Trapped in a tower with a half-god half-mad high elf warlock who can’t die and also happened to make the tower and all the death traps therein. Emma Balfour returns as Baston while Edan continues to film an ad for.. light beer maybe? Also, a lot of this episode is set in a walk-in wardrobe, which you don’t see a lot of in fantasy, actually.


After Freezo's surprising regeneration at the end of the previous episode, Freezo experimentally asks Jeremy Scaleson and then Philge to kill him, and both do (Jeremy by biting his neck and Philge by shooting him with a Spectral Lance and then punching him), with Freezo reappearing each time. Unsure how to react to this, the Friends climb up to the next floor of the tower, which appears to be Freezo's wardrobe - containing many different outfits, a mannequin in a baker's outfit, and a pressure tube holding another mannequin wearing black velvet robes that hum with magical energy. The tube opens to Freezo's touch, and Freezo puts on the outfit within. Philge runs through the clothes playfully, finding a cinching sash lined with pockets containing carved ivory miniatures of animals.

Climbing up to the next floor again, the Friends arrive at a locked door labeled "Keep Out" in Freezo's handwriting. Baston fly kicks the door open, finding a workshop with benches and a figure draped in cloth. Freezo finds a crystal ball in the room, touches it, is electrocuted to death and then glitches back again. Chunkerson reminds him that this trap was specifically placed to attract people who broke in, and that others have tried to break in before to steal Freezo's rare books. Freezo asks Chunkerson to show him the people who previously tried to break in. He shows Freezo two adventurers who came through, also went straight for the crystal ball and were killed; but he doesn't recognize them. Philge looks through the books, finding several powerful spellbooks apparently stolen from the House Eternal and other significant places.

Freezo throws the cloth away from the figure at the end of the room, revealing an archway in the side of the room, with a sign reading "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter", although there is no opening in the wall behind it. Freezo finds a small bevel in the structure in which something can be inserted; he attempts to pick up the crystal ball again to insert it into the bevel, and dies again when he touches it. Determined, he decides to pull the crystal ball on the tripod across closer to the archway, moving it an inch each time he touches it and dies. After the 22nd death, Freezo begins to notice that the visions he has when he dies and regenerates change each time, but he appears to be closer and closer to entering an alternative peaceful world each time. He reasons that this represents permanent death - so he stops.

Investigating the room the Friends find a strange magical device mounted on a wall, of criss-crossing ley lines connected to a web of crystals and a single unblinking eye at the top. Freezo asks Chunkerson what it is, and he replies that it is the device for recording everything that happens in the lab. Freezo asks to Chunkerson to show him the record of when he was making the archway; the recap shows Freezo pacing back and forth in front of the archway, holding a spellbook, and tracing magical sigils in the air. As he does so, Philge, Baston, and Bobby Pancakes enter. Freezo pauses the record and tries to convince the Friends to leave the room, thinking that what is coming up might be upsetting to them; they refuse, and the record continues.

Bobby demands that Freezo "stop this madness", and explains that he has told the others about Freezo's plans... to become a god. Freezo refuses to stop and announces that the archway is his portal to the realm of gods, so Bobby states that he can "buy Max some time", and activates an unknown device, saying that it will take them to the Charcoal Bazaar and erase their memories, including the forbidden knowledge Freezo had obtained. Bobby states that "it's all up to Max now" and throws the device down, apparently teleporting the Friends away. Jeremy searches the floor for the device that Bobby used, and picks it up, saying it could provide them a modicum of security in the future.


Dragon Friends

Guest PCs

  • Baston, played by Emma Balfour

Non-Player Characters (NPCs) 

  • Chunkerson, aka Painting


  • The Deadlands

Themes, tropes and running jokes

  • Amongst the magical books in Freezo's tower are a copy of John Grisham's The Firm and infamous pick-up artist guide The Game, which Hing declares is already canon since Freezo tried to "neg" the "vampire lady" Kareena way back in A Level One Handsome Man.


  • "Well... if you ask me I just sort of want to go off and run a little book shop." "A hook shop?" "A book shop. What would a hook shop be?" "Well maybe you'd go to a fishing town and you'd be selling.." "You know what, that'd be number two." "Book shop; hook shop.." "Maybe books'n'hooks. Chongerson's Books'n'Hooks. I can see it now. 'Reel in a good book', that's what it'd say on the painted sign." "Hey Chungerson, what's your favorite chess piece?" "Oh, I don't know, I like the way the little horse looks. Why?" "Um, never mind." (laughter) "Nobody tell him but later tonight, Ben, you're going to be lying in bed and you're going to kick yourself." "Set 'em up, leave 'em there." "...... ROOK! Aaagh!"
  • "I put my hand on the ball." "Ok. make for me a Dexerity saving throw DC 18.." "It doesn't matter what I got. I'm immortal." "Ok, you are electrocuted and die." "Doesn't matter, I'm immortal. Bring me back. This rules." "I hate this. This was a terrible idea."

Table Talk

  • Hing recovers a copy of Freezo's spellbook, only for Dave to reveal that Freezo no longer needs it since he became a Hexblade; he just never asked. He had not cast any spells since it had been taken away. (Warlocks don't usually require a spellbook at all - even wizards only need theirs when changing which spells they have prepared - so this seems to be either a house-rule or a mistake.)
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