The Best Kind of Coward

“	Freezo loves doing bad shit, but he hates consequences.	”
	— Michael Hing

The Best Kind of Coward
Episode	4.19
Link	Link
Episode Order
Previous	Increasingly Sated Crocodiles (4.18)
Next	Ensorcelled (4.20)

 Description

Things are coming to ahead on the Heart of Glass. The ship may be back in the control of the Dragon Friends, but there's precious little to celebrate about. Also an old friend shows up, and it's not Bobby. Sorry.

Synopsis

Searching the decapitated body of Lady Casilda, the Friends find a necklace, and Freezo discovers that his glasses give him the ability to identify magical items. He learns that the necklace is an Amulet of the Black Skull which allows the wearer to teleport up to 100 feet away at the risk of "bad things happening" on a failed Constitution save. Freezo decides to tell Philge about the teleportation, but not the risk; he also identifies Baston's cloak as a Cloak of Billowing, which can billow dramatically on command, but tells Baston that it also renders him invincible for the seconds in which it billows. The Friends communicate with LOGAN again, and as punishment for his allowing the ship to be taken by Lady Casilda, change his voice to Snagglepuss. LOGAN admits that he has not "felt himself" since the Charcoal Bazaar and that there may be a fault in the Engine Room.

Philge, unaware of any danger, teleports herself to the Engine Room with the Amulet and meets Bobson Dugnutt there. Baston asks Buttons, the lead technician, what might be wrong with LOGANS - and Buttons admits that there has been an "anomaly" which he has been waiting for them to investigate. He points out the giant electronic heart of LOGANs suspended in a pillar - and attached to it a crystalline spider which is buried in the side of it. Baston suggests poking it with a stick and then investigating further, and Buttons points out that entering the tube while the ship is active would result in certain death from exposure to warp energy; he also mentions that "Mr Freezopherson's Upgrades" have altered the ship's behavior, which apparently include "The Chamber Of Delights".

The Friends investigate the Chamber of Delights, finding it to be a small pyramid, badly made from MDF and painted rough black. Baston kicks in the door, seeing someone inside, and Bobbins adds that the Chamber is usually used to provide jumping power but Lady Casilda has had a "guest" stored inside. Baston pokes the figure with the same stick, revealing it to be Bassbass Wihouveberry. Baston apologizes for poking her and takes her to look at the crystal spider, while Jeremy asks Buttons what the normal effect of the Chamber of Delights actually is; he explains that it's intended to increase the frequency at which the Heart of Glass recharges its ability to jump... by sacrificing six crewmembers to the warp each time they force an early recharge. Freezo suggests returning to the Deadlands to go through the portal in his tower. Jeremy asks him why, and he says he believes it will return them to Faerun from where they came; angry, Jeremy calls him a disgusting coward for suggesting he would give up the search for Hyperion Max, especially given that Freezo cannot die. Jeremy agrees that they can return to the tower, but only to look for leads for Max; and that if Freezo acts suspiciously, he will drop and break the Lance to send them back in time to the Bazaar.

Bassbass explains that Lady Casilda summoned her on the guise of playing a gig, and instead locked her in the Chamber while waiting for the ship to be converted, and stole her planar necklace - which she wants back. Bassbass suggests that the necklace was thrown into the Wetways by Lady Casilda. Baston asks Bobson if there's any filtration system that the necklace may have been caught in, and the three of them ride off on transport cycles to the filter. Baston climbs in to the accumulated debris inside the filter to search for the necklace, but realizes a strange figure inside the wetways is stalking towards him. Baston recovers the necklace and starts to climb out of the filter, being grabbed from behind by the Oblex that was stalking him.

People

Dragon Friends

• Freezo
• Philge
• Jeremy Scaleson
• Baston

Guest PCs

• Bassbass Wihouveberry, played by Montaigne

NPCs

• LOGAN
• Bobson Dugnutt
• Buttons, the lead technician

Bestiary

• A Planar Stunt Crocodile
• Oblex

Places

• The Heart of Glass

Themes, tropes and running jokes

• I make an Arcana check, encouraged twice by the others. Dave expresses some relief that Freezo's magical Glasses Of The Curator may allow him to avoid making Arcana checks.
• What Have You Got There
• Baffling Reference for our International Listeners to Australian advertising personalities and tax rules.

Quotes

• "Lojans, do you have a soul?" "I've been giving this some thought. I believe I was brought into being by the dying mind of a mad god, and as such I think I do." "Dave." "Yes, Michael." "I would like to cast Baleful Curse on Lojans." "On your ship's computer?" "Yes." "I'm going to hate myself... this is one of your new Hexblade powers?" "It's a Hexblade curse, yes, and what it does is, I curse somebody within 30' which he is because he's on screen. And to be clear I want to separate the curse on Lojans... I don't want to curse the ship, just Lojans. So if at any point Lojans dies now, he will become an accursed specter and be bound to my soul in my servitude. So if, for example, this ship crashed.." "Yea, if the ship was destroyed or you went into the central core and you wiped the hard drive that he's on.." ".. then Lojans would become my accursed specter." "Yea, I think that would work." "Ok, cool. Let's go to the Engine Room."
• "Did you do a lot of sex with Lady Casilda?" "Well, I don't remember, but now that you mention it, I've got a boner.."
• "It seems like you truly cannot be killed." "Wait, wait. You're using tricky language there. You said it just seems like I can't be killed." "Do you want to try it again? Do you want a stunt crocodile?" "Yea, alright." "A planar crocodile bites your head off. You're fine."
• "I know just the man to ask. Lojans, please summon the master of poo. The master of poop. The poo master. The master of poo and espresso." "Are you feeling well?" "The little man. The poo boy." "Bobson?" "Yes, Bobson Dugnutt, of course." "He's like three feet from you."