The fifth episode of the second season of the Dragon Friends' Twitch campaign Beef Babes.
Description[]
The Beef Babes continue their journey through the Nine Known Worlds.
Synopsis[]
Freezo goes to meet his new tutor Vizarlee outside his magic shop and they walk through the Narrows. Vizarlee asks Freezo what circle of wizardry he'd like to be indoctrinated into and he chooses necromancy. Vizarlee informs him that necromancy manipulates the energies of life as well as death. He tells Freezo that he is to swear down the false gods he worships in order to do this. (Freezo/Hing worries that this is contractual, but God/Dave clarifies that as they're outside hell this would be a regular non-binding promise.) Freezo agrees.
They arrive at a kind of garage door which Vizarlee unlocks, revealing a small storage room full of broken artefacts, boxes and other junk. Vizarlee explains that Prime is known as the City of Doors because it is the hub of the Nine Known Worlds, and so he has been able to collect things that have ended up here from all over. He says as part of the apprenticeship Freezo is to help him identify and catalogue these items, and begins by asking Freezo to drink from a random bottle and tell him what it is. Vizarlee shows Freezo two wands that can be used if needed: a Wand of Greater Restoration which can cure diseases and some curses, and a Wand of Stone to Flesh. Freezo chugs the whole bottle.
The potion makes Freezo feel euphoric and reckless and dissipates all his anxieties. Freezo takes one of Vizarlee's wands in case he gets any bad side effects. As soon as Freezo touches the Wand of Greater Restoration, it turns to solid gold. Vizarlee wraps up the Wand of Stone to Flesh so Freezo's hands won't touch it and gives it to him. He tells Freezo to report back any more findings tomorrow, and goes back to his shop.
Freezo heads to Lulu's Midori Bar, where a small crowd is gathered by the fire and Bethanee is playing songs on a guitar with increasingly diminishing returns (Yellow Submarine, to the Brady Bunch theme, to humming the Thomas the Tank Engine theme). Lulu shoos the Beef Babes off to bed with a broom as it's getting late. Freezo touches the broom, and it turns to gold. Lulu is annoyed as she can't sweep with the broom anymore, and tells him not to touch her chairs. He tries to get her to shake his hand but she refuses since she doesn't want to die.
The Beef Babes head upstairs to Bushu's old quarters. They find a card wedged into the door as they arrive, which reads "Dear Jimmy, happy 8th birthday. Here's $20. Love, Grandma." Another card wedged beneath that one says "Excellent decision. Much to do. Great times for the neighbourhood. I will meet you at sunrise downstairs. -Phil".
Freezo tests out his powers and turns three round coasters into gold. The group discuss turning someone's tooth or Bethanee's horns into gold but decide it's too complicated. They realise turning an enemy into gold could be a good plan as they could also melt down the gold and distribute it to the community. To test out if live beings can be turned to gold, Bethanee summons her nightmare steed Floofs. Freezo pats him and he starts to slowly turn to gold from where he was touched, becoming very alarmed, in pain and going berserk until he eventually is gold all over and becomes still. Bethanee takes the Wand of Stone to Flesh from Freezo and turns Floofs back, telling him there'll be no more calling her "girlie" from now on, and immediately sends him back to where he came.
Meanwhile Freezo has been turning bottles, pots and other things in the room to gold. They all go to bed and Freezo meditates while trying not to touch his hands together. They wake at dawn and go outside to meet Phil. Freezo asks him if he wants anything turned to gold, and Phil tells him gold isn't used much here. They walk toward the Civil House where they're to meet MegaDeck. Kit asks Phil about the Howlrunners and he says they're from the Bluffs of Chance, and so far he's been happy enough getting paid to make them the Juice - the drink made out of holy water from Hestavar that devils love as it gives them visions and makes them strong.
They arrive at the old and regal Civil House. Nearby is an elderly half-elf called Cale Bain playing solitaire, who recognises Kit from Domino's fighting pits. He thinks he works in the Civil House. Freezo turns Cale's playing cards to gold. Before they head in, Kit places his miniature horse sculpture by the entrance as a 'good luck talisman' and asks Cale to keep an eye on it, and make himself scarce once they leave the building again.
They enter the building which looks mostly empty. They have a Beef Break and decide they should try to get MegaDeck to touch Freezo rather than the other way around so they don't seem like the ones inciting violence. They approach a large staircase up the back where two large Orog orcs flank a giant ogre-like creature, BigBad MegaDeck. He greets the group, and Kit recognises him from his fighting days. MegaDeck tells them he's not happy with them upending his finanicial agreement with the Juice, while he eats a lit cigar.
Bethanee tries to talk business with MegaDeck. Kit grows agitated and angrily asks MegaDeck if he remembers him. He brushes him off, and Kit goes into a rage, snarling. The two Orogs brandish their axes and look to MegaDeck who tries to make everyone calm down as they're in neutral Civil House.
Sensing he's going to try to touch MegaDeck, Kit picks up Freezo and throws him toward MegaDeck, who the Orogs then dive in front of. Freezo turns into Gaseous Form and flies through them and starts to poison MegaDeck from the inside. Howlrunners appear out on the balcony, and the Orogs attack Kit and hit. Bethanee Misty Steps up to the balcony and smashes a pneumatic tube system. She attacks the Howlrunner closest to MegaDeck (a young Orc) and hits him. He says in Orcish to the other three Howlrunners "darkness", and they all howl and disappear in clouds of dust. Darts then fly out from corners of the library, missing Bethanee but hitting Kit. Kit attacks the Orogs and hits both. Freezo, still in Gaseous Form moves into MegaDeck's tear ducts, mouth, nose and fingers, and the lower half of MegaDeck's body becomes all gold while he writhes in panic and pain, trying to reach for his bag.
Phil and Cale Bain (who ended up following them in) cower in a corner and try to tell everyone to stop fighting. Bethanee spots two Howlrunners near some bookcases and attacks them, hitting. The other two Howlrunners attack Kit and hit. Freezo leaves MegaDeck and floats toward where he thinks the other Howlrunners are. MegaDeck is now gold up to his throat, and he manages to pull a flask out of his bag which he drinks, then continues to turn gold until he is a solid statue. Bethanee intimidates the Howlrunners telling them to run to the Bluffs of Chance now that their leader has fallen. They turn to MegaDeck whose gold seems to shimmer as his arm flexes and his potion of Animate Stone takes effect. He smashes a wall in pain and bursts out of a door behind him, with the two Orogs beginning to run after him. Kit dashes through the Orogs after MegaDeck, smashing one of the Orog's skulls to the pedestal as he passes.
As Kit bursts out the door, a booming voice announces Civil House is now under lockdown and everyone is to place their hands on their heads. Three arbiter Giffs appear via large pneumatic tubes and a huge blue field shimmers around the building, locking it down, with Kit on the outside.
People[]
Beef Babes[]
Non-Player Characters (NPCs)[]
- Vizarlee
- Lulu
- Floofs
- Phillip Collins
- Cale Bain
- Civil House Librarian
- BigBad MegaDeck
- Orogs (Howlrunners)
- Orcs (Howlrunners)
- Giffs
Places[]
Limerick Flats, Prime[]
- The Narrows
- Lulu's Midori Bar
- Civil House
Themes, tropes and running jokes[]
- "What ya got there? A nice shop! That's cool isn't it." -Freezo to Vizarlee
- Baffling Reference for our International Listeners: "Let's lock in necromancy, Eddie." (A reference to the Australian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire where contestants would say "lock it in, Eddie" to the host.)
- The Limousine in Cyber Tokyo 2075: "You know that scene in the Matrix where Keanu Reeves is like '"Now I know kung fu"? I feel like that was the limo ride for Freezo - he jammed a cord into the back of his neck and just watched every pop culture, game show, movie, television show, music thing ever."
- Dragon Huddle: the gang have a quick Beef Break as they enter Civil House to decide whether they're going to turn MegaDeck into gold.
Trivia[]
- The real-life Cale Bain is a founder of Improv Theatre Sydney along with Edan.
Quotes[]
- "Lulu, may I just say the Midori was more delicious than it was the day before. What do you put in it?" "Well, you know how to get right to my g-- my girdle." "Oh, no thank you. Goodnight!"
- "Who's Dave?" "I was gonna say he's a famous terrorist who went on to be the leader of ISIS."
- "Can gas go into a butthole?" "Can you do a reverse fart?"
Table Talk[]
- At the beginning of the stream Dave brings up a Dragon Friends alignment chart (more related to the Season 5 characters) that he and Shak worked on, with the addendum that some characters seem to be currently moving around (Baston from chaos to law, Bobby from neutral to evil).
- It's established that from now unless he says otherwise, Freezo is in his Swinzo (Tilda Swinton) hag form.
